Today was a very meaningful day to me as I managed to discover a lot of things about myself which I didn't actually know. I had always thought that I was someone who was kind and unselfish. The bitter truth was smashed right in my face as my fantasy slowly turned into reality.
I woke up feeling psyched to practice my breakdance moves at around 8.30am. I was still pretty tired from the night before, which I practiced my footwork. I had watched a video on Youtube and the moves were called Uprock and Toprock. I had worked really hard but I didn't manage to master the moves in a day.
I practiced the breakdance moves called Elbow freeze and Windmill but it was of no success. I practiced for an hour and then I took a shower. There was a class that I had to attend. During the lesson, I did something really wrong. It is considered quite a mannerless act me but it might seem lame to others. Instead of being polite, I shouted at my friend to tell him to pick up the pen for me. I know this is seriously lame! I have always been polite but there are times that I just take off my facade and show my true side which I have been hiding all this while. The real me. The hot-tempered, unpolite kid.
After the lesson, I went to shop with my friend at Tampines Mart. He did not bring along any money with him so I offered to give him a treat. We walked towards the bubble tea shop but we discovered it was closed since today was New Year's eve. Unknowingly, a feeling of relief filled my heart. I told him it was okay and that I would give him a treat next time. It was then that I discovered that the only reason I offered to give him a treat was because I wanted to give an impression. The impression that I was someone who was kind and not the opposite, which was my true side.
In the evening, I went online in Windows Live Messenger. I felt bored and so I decided to surf the net. I typed in a particular web address and read what it wrote. I will not reveal what website I went to but the content struck my heart. I was not important. Just because I am good friends with him is not a reason for him to wonder into his own world. I cannot force him to live in mine. I live my own life, the life that I want, and yet I still drag others along with me. Along my selfish path of self-satisfaction. Living under the impression that I am important and that everyone else should think the same way. I am not selfish! I know that! But there is this other side of me that is just waiting to come out to show the world what a bad person I am. This facade will soon come off.